"A garden for reflecting, remembering, and refuge offers profound solace and comfort to those experiencing loss, trauma, and displacement...The beauty of trees and flowers is a counterpoint to death and a comfort to the grieving."
My vision for Vilomah Memorial Gardens was born of the agonizing decision so many of us have faced: choosing a final resting place for our children. I couldn't accept the idea of visiting my vibrant, young son in a gloomy place, such as some cemeteries. In conversations with other vilomahs, I learned this was a common feeling. We all have different beliefs about what has become of their energy now and what we see and feel when we envision them, but for me, it’s never dark or stagnant. They deserve beautiful places where when we visit, we can feel their lights continue to shine through the natural world around us, and embrace not only our grief, but the joy they brought to our lives.
Since the loss of my son, Tyler, in October 2020, I’ve sought solace in support groups specifically for vilomahs grieving the loss of children related to substance use, as well as retreats for all bereaved mothers. I learned quickly that all child loss — any age, for any reason — is simply unfathomable and unnatural. It levels you, showing you how trivial most things are and how incredibly important the meaningful things are. All of our stories are different, but we are bonded by this unique grief. It's impossible to describe this experience to anyone who has not lived it, yet we need few words when in the company of each other. We are able to exhale and release the expectations on us to “be ok” and just "be" ourselves. We hope Vilomah Memorial Gardens will become places of refuge nationwide for vilomahs to socialize, remember, and support one another as only we can.
Susan Ousterman — Founder
President
For six years, my life was consumed by attempts to access effective treatment for my son. Often guided by stigma and misinformation, we were not equipped with the knowledge and tools necessary to overcome his opioid addiction. As is common for so many of us, I dove into advocacy after losing Tyler in October 2020. Without the daily distraction of keeping him alive, it’s become much easier to see where the barriers and failures are. I am committed to removing the unfounded, false perceptions associated with substance use disorder. I believe that our combined, fearless voices have the power to change the world.
In addition to watching my daughter thrive, I find some relief from this grief when appreciating the beauty of the natural world. Ironically, since losing Tyler I’ve also felt more hope for humanity than ever before. I see people listening to each other and genuinely interested in learning (or often unlearning) about other cultures and considering ideas that may have once made them uncomfortable. In the end, this loss has caused me to redefine concepts such as joy, happiness, and success, how they should be measured by our impact on each other, and how insignificant money is in achieving them.
Treasurer
I'm a Senior Finance Manager with over 30 years experience in the Technology Industry. I am passionate about building a better future for our youth and contributing to a movement focused on producing better outcomes for those with substance use disorder. Over the last 30 years, Susan and I have supported one another through the best and worst days of our lives. It feels natural that we would work on this important project together. I hold a Master of Science Degree in Accounting and Financial Management.
Creative Director
I’ll never forget waking to the call telling us that our grandson Tyler had finally lost his battle with addiction at just 24. Now I want to do whatever I can to help Susan offer comfort and aid to those who are dealing with this devastating loss.
I wear many different hats as Owner/President of Carter PublishIng Studio, Inc.—graphic designer, art director, publishing manager, consultant. But I spend as much of my free time as possible digging in the dirt, and as a devoted gardener I deeply believe in the healing power of nature.
Outreach Coordinator
Ali lost her best friend, her brother Dylan, to overdose in 2021, and since then she’s made it her mission to use her boundless energy and determination to help connect those with substance use disorder to the resources they need. As a person in long-term recovery, she understands the discrimination many face and is able to assist in accessing resources. To honor her brother, she started a community outreach project, known as Dylan’s Hope Dealers. Multiple times each week, she and her dedicated volunteers collect donations of basic needs items and distribute them to anyone in need in the Kensington section of Philadelphia. She welcomes the help of anyone who’d like to get involved and encourages everyone to find Dylan’s Hope Dealers on Facebook for more information. You can also email Ali at Ali@vilomahgardens.org.
Board Member
I lost my loving son Shawn to overdose after a long, horrific journey with substance use disorder. Losing him wasn’t something I ever really believed would happen; I was convinced I just needed to fight harder to get him the help he needed.
In 2019, I started a local grassroots group Families United for Change Foundation to help reduce stigma and shame attached to those suffering from SUD and their families. I assist local families in their effort to find the resources and support that I was unable to find. I raised funds to do a small memorial garden called Circle of Hope in Tuckahoe Park in Altoona, PA. This space is for those of us that lost, those who struggle, and those in recovery. Also, I have shared Shawn’s story in the podcast The Mayor of Maple Avenue, which was written by Sara Ganim and produced and marketed by Advance Media and Meadowlark Media.
I enjoy my own gardens and spending time with my daughter, my son, and their families.
Board Member
Michael Lang is a small business owner (Philly Guys Flooring) and community organizer who lost his son Michael in 2019 after struggling with substance use disorder. He is the founder of S.O.N. (Save Our Neighborhoods). He organizes, runs, and competes in an Annual Washer Tournament in memoriam of his son. In addition to assisting other charity groups, he organizes his own donation drives and events throughout the year to help those suffering in the Kensington section of Philadelphia. Mike also started a phone tree with crossing guards and neighbors to alert him of syringes on the street or sidewalk that needed safe disposal and facilitated an advocacy workshop for PhillyHEALs. Most recently, Mike was elected Committee Person for Ward 31, Division 13 and is a member of NKCDC’s NAS board. Mike is a graduate of HACE’s Livability Academy and is a member of PAHRN.
Board Member
Jennifer is a successful District Manager of a large wholesale plant nursery, and she is an expert not only in the care and nurturing of plants, but in the development of a true team environment for her employees. Her genuine gratitude and the connection she has with each of them inspires them to be creative and productive in return.
Jennifer applies those same skills and compassion to raising the two young grandchildren who are now in her care due to the impact of substance use on her family. She brings compassion and a deep understanding of what others like her face as they take similar journeys. She looks forward to using her skills and experience to help others.
To create and maintain public gardens to honor, celebrate, and memorialize the countless lives lost during the mental health and substance use crisis and to support all who are living with the unfathomable burden of child loss.
Please help the Vilomah Memorial Foundation bring our vision to life by making a tax-deductible contribution today.
We’re currently in the early stages of concept development and design. We are seeking input from professionals and vilomahs, so reach out if you want to grow with us.